Tips for Selecting the right Donor for your Family

 

“Choosing a donor is an extremely personal decision, and criteria will look different for every parent” – Alissa Carney, MDC Egg Donor Coordinator and a Former Intended parent.

Choosing an egg donor is a personal decision that is different for everyone. What matters most to one family may not be as important to another. To understand what it’s like to make this decision, Alissa shares her experience.

Tip No. 1: Choose a Non-Negotiable in Choosing Your Egg Donor

Alissa states that, as a former intended parent herself,  she had to constantly be reminded that she could not replace herself, no matter how hard she tried.

Thus, she chose one non-negotiable and tried to stay flexible on the rest, reminding herself and her husband, throughout the process, that the donor was not going to be their child, and even a genetic child of their own might not look like her. 

“Ultimately, finding something in the Donor’s profile that I connected with, in addition to the fact that she met my ethnic non-negotiable, sealed the deal! We had similar hobbies, favorite movies, and foods. She felt like she could be a friend if the situation was different”, she added.

Acknowledging that that won’t be everyone’s experience, her advice, from a purely non-emotional standpoint, is that at the end of the day, you want a donor who is committed to the process and is available to complete a cycle! 

Furthermore, Alissa states, “Unless she’s a proven donor, there’s no guarantee that her beautiful looks, high test scores, Ivy League education, or athletic or musical abilities will result in a successful cycle. Thus, prioritize the top 1-2 non-negotiables, and if they are different for each parent, try to be open to reviewing profiles that fall outside your criteria.”

 

Tip No. 2: Understand your Budget

Understand your budget, and if there’s truly no room to go outside of that, do not ask to review donors with higher compensations, as it often leads to disappointment. By sharing your budget with your agency, we can share profiles of candidates that fit your budget. There are ways to reduce cycle costs significantly – one example would be to find an egg donor that is local to your clinic so that you do not incur travel or local monitoring expenses.

 

Tip No. 3: Communicate with your Agency

Make sure you consider whether you want a known donation or not so that your agency understands the kind of relationship you hope to have with your donor in the future and can present that to the donor if she has different preferences. Oftentimes, donors don’t know what they want until they’re presented with real parents interested in their profile!

We hope these tips help you in selecting the right connection for your family!

Learn more about choosing the right egg donor here.